please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
