did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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