I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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