Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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