I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
