Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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