He passed out mid-signature
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
