Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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