I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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