Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
