he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
