I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
