Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
