he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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