when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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