so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
