Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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