At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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