I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
