just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
