Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize