she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
