the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
