You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
