Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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