I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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