If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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