Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
