mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
