dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
