there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize