I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
