He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
