why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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