Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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