Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
