you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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