well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
