If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How does one acquire holy water?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
