I think im going to throw up on grandma
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
