But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
