I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
