So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
