Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
