Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
