She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
