if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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