Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize