I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
