I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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