New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
