I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
