How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
