Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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