If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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