I cockslap morals
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
