dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
