the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
