cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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