Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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