What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
