Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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