how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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