dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize