i permit you to call me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
