i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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