Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize