The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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