WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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