well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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