Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So many bounce houses so little time
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
