some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So much rum. So many feels.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
