Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize